I can show you the world.
I DON’T WANT TO SEE IT
ALL THE HEARTS FROM MY ORIGINAL BLOGS
I was at the mall today and overheard this dude talking to two lesbian chicks. I hear him ask, “So which one of you is the guy in your relationship?” And the one girl looks into her pants and says, “It’s not me. How bout you? Are you hiding a dick in there?” Then her girlfriend looks in her pants and says, “Nope, I’m not.” Then the first chick looks at the dude and says, “Hmmm, guess that’s why we are lesbians.” And then I lost my shit.
“The concept is simple. Take a blank sheet with nothing but the basic outline of a pinup girl and illustrate a unique scene around her.”
I’ll probably always reblog this cuz it’s just mind-blowing, holy cow
OK SO I HAVE THOSE STUPID ONE DIRECTION CUPS MY DAD ALWAYS USES THE ZAYN CUP TO POUR WATER IN THE IRON AND ONE DAY I ASKED HIM WHY AND HE SAID ITS EASIER IF THE WATER IS HOT AND I SAID WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THE ZAYN CUP AND HE LOOKED OFF INTO THE DISTANCE AND SAID ZAYNS HOTNESS HEATS THE WATER AND I HAVE NEVER RELATED WITH MY FATHER MORE THAN I DID THAT MOMENT
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, “Can you all see me now?”
Took me about ten minutes to finally understand this
stupidest/most awesome joke ever
I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”